Week 10 – I DO NOT shoot myself in the foot any longer!

“The ordinary person, who has no definite knowledge of cause and effect, is governed by their feelings or emotions.”

This is how, until recently, I have lived my life.  I have been governed by the effects of my thoughts and the effects have been my emotions and the turmoil the emotions have caused me.

Something happens and I make it mean something….when really it was only something that happened! There was no need to attach any meaning to it.  It should mean nothing to me….I should not draw any conclusions about others and myself from what has happened….

I think I’m confusing myself now!  I’ll have to tease out these thoughts a little further so they make sense to me and anyone who has persevered by reading this blog this far!

Something happens, I THINK something about it…..those thoughts cause emotions in me, which, in turn, cause me to behave a certain way.  A way I have been conditioned to behave through years of thinking and reacting to, thinking.

This is getting ridiculous….I’ll have to find an example……..I was studying to be a teacher when I was in my early 40s.  As a mature aged student I was doing very well….I had a very high grade point average in the beginning.  In the past, I had been in the way of thinking that I can do anything….but…..only for a certain amount of time….I couldn’t possibly maintain success and I must surely begin a slippery slide to failure, because that is the person I was!  I was always right!  I set about proving myself right….and how easy was THAT to do!  I can remember the feelings of quiet desperation.  The more I thought about it, the more I set about making it happen.At the end of my third year, I dudded out on an exam.  One bad result! I did everything wrong and instead of getting my usual high sixes or sevens,  I scored a nasty FOUR!.  This “event” was enough for me to draw the conclusion that THIS was the start to my failure cycle and it was all down hill from here.  It had to happen some time….I was surprised I had lasted this long! Not a single thought that this was a one off and I had done well up to this and it was just a hiccup! I began thinking about, and focusing on, my believed inadequacies….thinking things like….”Who do you think you are to have experience success like this….you couldn’t possibly keep it up!”  “You always start strong, by you can’t maintain it…you never have been able to!”   I made this one exam result mean that I was no good, I was doomed to fail, it would be hard for me to get a good Grade Point Average now!  Typical!

I did finish the course….and I graduated with honours (fantastic really, but I didn’t think so at the time). My Grade Point Average took a hammering in the fourth year; it slipped from 6.7 to a measly 6.2!  It doesn’t sound like much of a slip and a GPA of 6.2 is really good but I can actually remember thinking, “Lucky it was only a four year course!  If I had another year to run, I would be into failure figures!”

I have known for many years that I have had a “shoot myself in the foot” attitude to all things good in my life, but, until now, I never really understood why and I never had any means of doing something about it.  Now I do!

I think I finish every post by expressing my gratitude for being included on the MKMMA course and being surrounded by amazing people….and this post is the same.  Many years of defeatist thinking are being wiped from my blueprint and being replaced with beliefs that I can do anything!  That I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious and happy.

Thank you Mark and fabulous Davine, Luc (my guide) and all the other guides, Jen and Issy, in my Master Mind Group and everyone who has read and/or commented on my blogs…I can’t begin to tell you how grateful to you all I am right now.  You are helping me to change my life!